But then again,
looking out over Nablus from the kitchen window, remembering it’s my turn to do the dishes, thinking about what I’m going to do later today and tomorrow, about girls and movies and my friends, people just… Live. We can’t act with confidence and purpose like they do in the movies, no one’s written us full of purpose and directionfulness, convinced us of the one true good and the one true evil, of the steps that need to be taken, we have no crystal hanging around our neck that vibrates pink when trolls are near, we’re taxic. We gravitate toward things that feel nice, away from things that feel bad. This global perspective of evilness doesn’t happen on a human scale. We just live our lives and hope that what little we are will be enough to get us to the day we die, with anything to show for ourselves.
It’s not “hopelessness,” really, or even “apathy;” it’s just what we do. Someone has to do the dishes, and I wonder if there are going to be any pretty girls at the halloween party. I look to the horizons only occasionally, gathering myself around myself like melting clay trying to keep from becoming a puddle formulating a long list of all the ways that my life can be extinguished 1.head split 2. lungs ruptured 3. eyes melted 4. heart broken 5.