freedom

 

I stopped writing here because it felt silly and still feels silly. All these systems of likes and comments and stats; there’s something about it that makes me uneasy, especially when I myself begin caring about them. 

But having left Palestine and having been looking back on it, … So many thoughts. And I think the most salient, the most frustrating about my 3 months in Nablus was a simple truth: you are what you believe you are. I  feel a bit queasy when my writing starts to sound like self-help shit, but the difference i think is that I recognize the subjectivity of what I say. And in fact, surrender myself to that subjectivity. I do not think there are rights and wrongs, only the systems which we construct that let us negotiate rights and wrongs. And some of those systems are more exciting than others.

Palestinians, [ all people ], chose to dwell on their unfreedoms. The checkpoints, the constraints, the deaths, the symptoms of occupation. They let the occupation dispower them. they LET the occupation take their freedom away. I think.

When you say you are unfree, you are unfree. I never had a conversation with someone saying, “yes I am occupied by israel, but I am yet a concert of eyes and arms and ears, I can yet learn and grow and become stronger. And though it is hard for me to travel, to leave this country, yet I will find ways to become someone greater.”

We are given many  gifts, and to choose to look at the things we do not have instead of the things we have… It’s childish.

And it’s easy for me, so free, to condemn their stillness, their sorrow, right? But we are all enslaved and occupied. Facebooks and payments and social obligations, money and jobs and the things we cannot do, the things we can, always trying to get someplace else, meet a new girl. There are no 18 year old israeli kids at my checkpoints, but there are pricetags and judgements and strangers who spit on me. There are my parents, my families, my body, my own sadness.   

I do not want to inspire people, I only want people to not hold me and others down with their egoism and their judgements. I am what I believe I am. It is the greatest gift of being man, that we construct in our minds. If you want something, you go and get it. And there are limitations, there are people who are truly unfree, who worse than dealing with their own enslavement must account for the enslavement and safety of their childrens and families… 

I don’t know. Simple truths: don’t waste your time, don’t hurt others to take what you want, construct.