where i am, I think

My goal in life is to notice the unnoticed, I think. I keep getting wrapped up in “helping people,” but never in a way that I understand, my body understands, my heart understands. I work for organizations that, become mechanized, do not touch anymore. So many people and projects and names and moving parts, they take on a life, a self-protection, that is necessarily uninterested in anything but its life.

And that’s not always true, but it’s true enough for me now. I want to notice the unnoticed. I want to care about the people around me, to surprise strangers with my own kindness and to create conversation, force conversation with people who are unlike myself. I do not want to home the homeless, or shower the poor in wealth; I want only to be myself with them. I only want to be close to them and to give them something small. 

There are no People who are suffering, there are only people who are suffering. We are all tormented by the very power that gives us the capacity to be tormented and it is that thing that also allows us to care. I do not want to end suffering, I only want to notice it and to introduce myself to it, “Hi, my name is raghav. I do not have a profession or a job, I do not have much money, but here are two slices of pizza I thought we could eat together.” 

And sometimes those touches turn into something much deeper and more beautiful, symbiotic recognizing of life. 

Suffering is good. But being untouched by suffering, unwilling to abraid it with the coarseness of your own humanity is not good, I think. 

I want to do small goods for the rest of my life, unconcerned with the labels of “wrong,” that I believe are created only to fulfill an artificial sense of goodness and sharing. I want to learn every language and introduce myself to everyone just once.