That maybe I want to be a doctor for the wrong reasons, but that I want to be a person for the right ones.
Are they exclusive?
The greatest good is done by the greatest teachers. People do not need to be healed, they need to be educated to heal themselves and heal each other.
Maybe medicine as it is practiced in this country is more a tool of fear than it is a tool of hearing–a way to make us afraid of death of bacteria of sickness and through that fear to shy away from our peers.
To separate ourselves.
What are the qualities of antiquity? What will be remembered, what will age well, what will be beautiful in 100 years’ time–what mundane objects will people put in their homes, recontextualized and heavy with some abstracted sense of history.
A partial list:
1. The dead body of a pregnant woman, encased in silica, crushed in an avalanche, “amazing that we used to give birth that way once,”
2. A room filled with plastic chairs, arranged perfectly facing an empty stage. The doors and windows and etc. were all boarded up and sealed shut during some kind of chemical warfare scare. No one disturbed the chairs–they are uncovered in perfect solidarity, prostrate before the empty stage.
3. old paperback books because they are beautiful still and will become more beautiful when they are gone. perhaps
4. objects that are generally considered fragile. Glass and pretty dresses, bits of jewelery, that come out of the other side of time as soldiers. dusty but whole.
Dusty but whole–a want like splitting pomegranates.
if I ever have children, I want to raise them in poverty, to teach them humility and the importance of Achieving. The people I meet I like the most come from nothing. I want my child to hunger, and I think the baseless desire to acquire more is counterproductive to true growth and in fact detrimental to our young.
I want my child to hurt–and I will have nothing him to give her but my knowledge and my heart.
I think about having kids a lot, which is weird. I guess it’s my biological time.
Someday my biological clock will sit in someone’s living room, “they used to keep time by their hearts. before being transplanted into critical yeast cultures, man was once slave to his biology.”
Science is a worth pursuit. As is any pursuit that is done completely and honestly. I think most frustrating about people around me is their indifference to everything and the relentlessness with which they pursuit that indifference. Anxieties about saturday nights and fucking, alcohol and drugs–to give away this time? When the body is so strong. The mind so hungry for knowledge.